I hate to fail. And it’s not just that, I don’t even like to look like I don’t know what I’m doing, regardless of what it might be. School, hobbies, any sort of physical endeavor- if I’m not a superstar right out of the gate, then I don’t like to participate. There are lots of reasons this is the case. 1. I’m the first born of four children. 2. My father was a first generation immigrant with very high expectations of what his children would accomplish. 3. I showed some natural talent when I was young in both academics and athletics which made both pretty easy for me. 4. I was never taught a growth mindset and instead lived most of my life with a very fixed mindset approach to learning.
When you combine all these factors, it’s the ideal environment for creating a perfectionist with a larger than life impostor syndrome complex. And that is exactly what happened with me. I have spent most of my life pleasing people and going the extra mile ALL THE TIME to keep anyone from finding out that the real Betsy isn’t the superwoman she projects. The real Betsy wants desperately to be able to put herself out there and try new things, even if it means she might look silly or not be great out of the gate, but fear of being found out a fraud holds her back.